2019 Here we come!
The start of a new year always brings signs of hope. Hope of fresh starts, good habits and new beginnings. I always see the new year as a time to fluff off the crap you hated about life in the previous year and get yourself back on the track you ditched somewhere along the way. I wish the new year started in spring so the scenery would reflect the mood. Looking outside in the icky brownish wintery day does not seem like the day to start fresh, but welcome to Saskatchewan!
I have spent a lot of time in 2018 looking backwards. Looking at the choices I made and contemplating if they were the right ones and what I would do next time. I also spent a lot of time contemplating why there would be a next time and ultimately coming to the conclusion that I didn't really care. The decisions that I made were made based on current situations, needs and sometimes a one sided glimpse into the future. What is the point of analyzing it all. We are all where we are because we though that each and every decision we made was the best to make at that particular time and place in our lives.
This year I have decided to make a resolution different than any other year. Instead of better organization, more exercise, cleaner house or getting out more. I have made the resolution to slow down. I am taking some great advice from a friend of mine from high school of all places...and I hated everything about high school! This is a girl that I got into so much trouble with yet never got caught so I figure she must have figured something out that I have not. We both took different path after school. I got married, had kids and then worried about a career. I never thought too much about our time together until one of the kids pulled out my boarding school photo album and I saw her always smiling face. Out of the blue I got a Facebook message from her. She is still always smiling and always shining! I missed that sparkle in my life and I didn't even realize it was missing but am super excited to get that back. What is her secret? Well it starts with gratitude. Practicing gratitude is my new goal. as silly as it seems but I can see how it makes sense. if you focus every day on something you are grateful for then you begin to see things you are grateful for everywhere. Now this is where my slow down comes into play as this idea of gratitude reminds me of stopping to smell the roses. If you don't slow down you can't see the beauty, therefore you will not stop to smell so you can not be grateful for them.
I have always loved my husband, my kids, my home, my family. I am always thankful for everyone's health and success. However after my grandpas death and the suicide of someone close to my family I find I keep looking back at those type of choices. Why did I not slow down and enjoy the people in my life. Spend time and be grateful for all the little moments we make. Life gets busy, but we should never to busy to love and show it! I am going to thank you in advance Sam for leading the way to a new chapter in my life that I closed somewhere along the way.
My January 1st grateful list :
Sam I am grateful for your smile and the sunshine you radiate!
Karen I am grateful for the confusion you caused in my soul. Your death shook me inside and out and I will learn from it.
Grandpa I am grateful for the love and the patience you showed me my entire life. You knew that slowing down was a need and you did it well.